one two three fourrrrnication!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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