he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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