On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
