Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
