boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
