I am puke
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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