I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
