was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
