My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
