the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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