i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
