It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
