I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
