Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you would pick up someone in the library
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So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize