can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
