Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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