he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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