I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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