So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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