I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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