Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
why is half of my head shaved?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
