She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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