is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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