Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
