What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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