people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
