STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
