Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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