I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
