Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
