The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
