Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
