Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dick very happy bro
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
