this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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