I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize