i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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