there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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