Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
