Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
