I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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