so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
