She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize