things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
As shirtless as possible
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
