I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
