it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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