You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
