Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
