Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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