You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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