I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
