Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
