Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
