i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
