listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
