Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
