The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I lost the right to judge tonight
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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