I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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