Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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