Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
