I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
