I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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