he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
