dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
