She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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