8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
