i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
