It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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