just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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