whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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