dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
its liver damage thursday
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