Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
