he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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