I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pappa wants mamma naked
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
