the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
a search helicopter?!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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