# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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