I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
