I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
