I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
