Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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